Hey friends, good morning! Thanks for stopping by to read my thoughts over breakfast. Since we started this blog Kendra and I have received overwhelming love and support. We are so grateful – thank you! 47 Grove is a “side” passion project for us so it gets very difficult at times to juggle with everything else in our lives. Many of you know our grandmother has recently taken a turn in her health where she requires 24-7 care. She has actually needed this for a long time, so my parent’s decided to move her into their house. We love Grammy and she is such a blessing to our lives! For those of you who have cared for an elderly or ailing parent/grandparent, you know this has been a serious change for all of us. When my parent’s first told me this was happening I never realized what a hard adjustment it would be on us all. We want to thank you for all your prayers for Grammy and both our parents, especially my mom who is now the primary caregiver.
My thoughts over breakfast today are scattered all over the place. I’m juggling several things that haven’t before felt this heavy (can you tell?). Feeling a little crazy sometimes. I look back over the last decade of my life and think – WOW! Life has advanced incredibly fast! Wasn’t I 17 years old just yesterday? Nathan said it best… well, because he’s Nathan… (#itsanOTHthing)
So yes – this is my life! The pace in which time goes by has been incredibly fast. Quietly and without me even really noticing. Each year that passes brings on newness and change. Some bad, some absolutely wonderful. I sometimes wonder – how do we live each chapter without wasting it? I always think “I’ll have time for that later”. Then three years pass and I realize I haven’t done anything different! Kendra just talked about her experience with change, have you read her post yet? We’ve both been talking about seasons of change lately… can you tell we are ready for Spring?
So, back to my original thought… how did I get here? It’s like I went to sleep one night and woke up and I’m married, living in my own home, and have so many people relying on me. Now I’m not saying all those things are bad! Quite the opposite. I love marriage. I love my home and I love the people in my life. I love our jobs even! I suppose it just hits me every once in a while – new realities. We dream of our future lives and when we finally reach that age, that relationship, that goal, [fill in the blank]… responsibilities come with it! Even though we are finally “here” it doesn’t look like what we imagined. Some things are better and brighter! Some things are harder. Certain things are really heavy on your spirit.
Let’s be real. Being an adult sucks sometimes. I think back to my days in college… I literarily used to say things like “life aint easy”. Then after my class on youth ministry (which was wicked fun and interesting) I would go back to my dorm (which I didn’t pay for and came with maid service and free cable) to change for the weekend getaway to the gulf coast (gorgeous sunny beaches in warm tropical weather with zero responsibility). Why did I move back to New England again? Anyways. At 19 years old age I was thinking “wow, adulthood really is hard like they say”…. PLEASE! College will forever go down as the easiest time period of my life. To my credit, I had gone through some rough stuff around that time period. In fact, between the ages of 18 -21 I experienced the three most traumatic experiences of my life to date. Those were some hard times to get through and sometimes I find myself still dealing with the fall out… but wow… being a “real” adult is even harder. I’m not sure if I can even define “real adult” for you without being a little politically incorrect or unfair to someone reading. But you know what I mean, right? I know we all go through very legitimate struggles at all different time periods of our life. NONE of it could be foreseen. There’s nothing I could have done to better prepare myself. What has been your most difficult experience and how did you get through it? Do you find yourself wondering if you’ve ever gotten full closure/healing?
These days what weighs heaviest on my “plate” is the care/state of my husband. Finances (boo). The care/state of my house (and kitties). My several different jobs and the wondering thought if I’m doing “enough” all the time. Especially with my students… am I making the most difference I possibly can? Am I fulfilling my call? I’ve crossed over the age border into the place where I now feel a great responsibility to care for my parents – they aint easy (not to mention grandparents). To be honest, I’m blessed with all of this in my life – husband, house, family, job – but I think if you’re out there reading this you can also admit these are heavy responsibilities. Each one requires my attention and very specific care. Loving on purpose. Juggling these different elements now makes me laugh at what I used to worry about in college. I know you mom’s reading are laughing at ME right now! I don’t have any children of my own… only my youth babies who are a huge part of my life and are even here at the house during the weekend and Wednesday nights. Moms, I know it’s not the same! Don’t worry I’m not that delusional. Although it does make me think how someday soon I’ll be adding “motherhood” to the list. Can I juggle one more thing? Can my husband? Maybe there’s something in your life you are seriously wondering if you can continue to juggle. Again, how did I get here?
Enough rambling. If you often find yourself spending too much time thinking about all this like I do… this is what I can offer. TRUST and PEACE. Trust God and He will give you great PEACE. My life is in His hands and when I trust Him with all of it – He brings me peace in the chaos. Rest in the busyness. Purpose in the lonely times. When juggling is so hard to do and one of the balls is about to drop… I need God to STEADY me.
Rocks are pretty steady! They are firm and unshakable. The Lord God is an everlasting ROCK. He steadies me and brings my mind peace. I need to frame that verse somewhere in my house! Whenever I feel like I’m flailing God reminds me that He gave me each element of my life on purpose. Not so that KIM can manage them all… but because HE can.
So, what were your thoughts over breakfast? Can anyone relate with mine?